8.30.2007

this post has nothing to do with photography...

...before i begin (which i clearly already have) let me say that i just finished watching stranger than fiction. if you haven't watched this movie, i really hope you do in the near future. if you have watched it, watch it again.

with that said, i just want to say that i think a part of me wants to (and has always wanted to) be a writer. and not a tom clancy or robert ludlum (who are incredibly fantastic), but more of a roald dahl or douglas adams or anyone else who gets inside your pysche and emotions and makes you think. even if all they make you think about is daydreams. jimmy buffet wrote (and i'll kindly paraphrase seeing as i'm terrible with quotes), "it always seemed arrogant for anyone to write a story before it was finished." he was referring to writing an autobiography. and i think he's right. but at the same time, donald miller wrote blue like jazz...the story of his own personal religious journey...though he's only in his thirties, or late twenties...or something older than me. far from a finished story if you ask me...which i'm sure you were about to. and it's a wonderful read and hits home more than anything i've ever read. but who says that journey's over? yet he wrote about it. and i think i use the excuse of waiting for the story to be over before i sit down and write. and that makes me an idiot.

today i tried to think about everything i've done in my twenty-five years on this planet. i started with the following, which were the first to come to mind:

1. wash a dog
2. play a game of frisbee
3. watch an ant climb a blade of grass, only to turn around at the top and continue whatever it was he intended to do
4. hug my father and mother
5. meet someone famous and have a conversation with them
6. read a book that i knew i loved after only 3 pages
7. curse someone at the top of my lungs directly in their face
8. cry in a movie theater

and i realized, i've done more things, had more experiences than i'd ever be able to list. and that single fact made me incredibly happy. i've seen and done more things (for better and worse) than i'll ever be able to remember. and then, immediately, i became incredibly sad. sad i couldn't remember them. that no matter how hard i tried, i'd never be able to, despite my incredible desire to do so. and then i thought, "that's life". followed quickly by, "life sucks".

and that one thought made me angry. why can't i remember my entire life? why do i remember forging my mother's signature on a school document in 7th grade and not some memory where i was completely at peace with the universe? why do i remember making fun of an elementary school companion and not sometime that i felt an incredible inspiration? and i had no answer for myself. which is frustrating. mostly because i rely on myself to answer everything. why doesn't that guy have a girlfriend? because his social skills on are par with that of oscar the grouch. why do we have to fight with those we love? because we want them to understand our point-of-view more than anyone else in the world. how come girls don't fall in love with me everyday? because they're idiots. and so, when conan o'brien, william shatner or motley crue can't answer something for me, and i have no answer for myself, i get angry. because that means no one has an answer. (and yes, those three sources should be able to adaquately answer most any question you may have.)

and this leads me to what i want to say. enjoy life. do something you've always wanted to. whether it be learning how to dance (which i can teach you...mostly what not to do), asking for forgiveness from someone you know shouldn't forgive you, but just might because of love or writing a short story from which you got the idea in a dream where you were flying in a go-kart made of jello. do it. and remember the time when you got the idea in the first place. and what an idea it was at the time! think about how you've convinced yourself that it's a stupid idea that no one cares about (which i think about every idea i've ever had...except for a story about flying a go-kart made of jello....that's a sure fire winner). and after you've convinced yourself that you've been lying to yourself, and you should engage in whatever activity you've been wanting to...go do it. and enjoy it. and let it enrich your life, and the lives of those around you. and then smile.

then treat yourself to a cup of jello.

5 comments:

leslie said...

thanks for the giggles on my birthday.

Anonymous said...

thank you for inspiring me to punch you in the face. <3

Anonymous said...

I just thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece Macgregor. Wonderful to see inside that head and mind of yours a little.
I'm proud of you.
Glad to call you family and so excited to be in relationship with you..
Miss you.

Love you.
Katherine

Anonymous said...

i've always wanted to be a photographer. where i lack in words and witty catch phrases, a picture makes up for it and translates universally. you are able to capture and envoke a particular sense, emotion, and message with a mere negative, whereas brevity is more oft' than not scowled upon in the literary world. embrace your tremendous talent and eye for still frames. as much as you wish to be a wrtier, i dream of trading my paper and ready pen for a camera.

Amber said...

Nice blog! Maybe you should become a writer.